There have been some tears this week at the Todd household...and not just from the baby. Mommy is having a hard time finding the balance after returning to work on January 5th. It's just darn hard some days.
Molly had a rough day at daycare on Tuesday, even woke Bailey up from her nap early with all the screaming (this is not like her at all!). So, I come home from work with two grumpy kids. I have to clean bottles, sterilize pump parts, and get dinner started. It's already 5:15. I start to worry that something's wrong with Molly or that my "good" baby is becoming "not so good." Then, I get a call from Joey that he isn't coming home from work until after 7 - still in Hutch working on a project. I just lost it. I felt much better after crying.
I do enjoy my job, but I love being a mom more. I wish that I could be there during the day to help Molly work through whatever is bothering her. I wish that I didn't have to worry about preschool next year for Bailey and how we're going to get her there and back to daycare (although I've already had an offer to help - thanks BW!). I wish I didn't feel like I was doing a "half-$#%" job of being both a good mom and a good employee. I wish I didn't have to go to a room three times a day and pump:) I wish I had more people in my life that understood what I was going through (my sisters and most of my friends are stay-at-home moms).
But . . . God is good - all of the time. He will help me through this. And, like I wrote in an earlier post, there are many blessings to me working. It is a season that I'm sure will pass way too quickly. And, I'll learn many things - about myself and my gracious Savior.
Boy am I glad today is the end of the work week for me. Bring on the snow and time at home with my beautiful family!
Cammy
Well I can't totally relate yet. I was pregnant twice this year already and lost them both at 10 weeks, but I was geting there. Starting to try and imagen the process of working full time and not only having two kids but yeah the pumping and cleaning and all of that. Maybe God knew I wasn't ready for it yet =) Even just with one it's so hard to wake her up at 6am when she says more night night or drop her off when she would just rather be with me. I don't have any close friends who work, even with one they are all stay at home moms. I love love my job, but there are times I feel like I need to be at home. I get it, as much as I can with one =) It's hard, it really is. I cry too, often..... I am a natural crier.
ReplyDelete